Common Mistakes Women Make In Dating (with Examples)

by | Emotional Intelligence

In dating, there are certain common pitfalls that many women unintentionally find themselves in.

In this article, we’ll explore some of the most frequent missteps, shedding light on behaviors that may unknowingly hinder your path to successful dating. From communication blunders to misconceptions about what attracts the cool guys out there, we’ll delve into real-life examples to help you navigate the dating landscape effectively.

Let’s begin.

Mistake #1: Pulling Poor Power Moves

“I know my value”

Why not?

Because it makes you come across like an entitled status inflater.

This is what it actually says:

Her: “I set my value, not YOU, so independently of what you think, you must put a lot of effort for me.”

That’s a covert, one-up power-move, and it’s very annoying for the receiver.
Especially if the receiver is an intelligent person aware of power dynamics (and most high-value men are naturally aware of power dynamics).

Profiling Entitled Women

And who usually goes around saying “I know my value”?

Usually, it’s not women with a lot to give.

Those women don’t usually have to say that because:

  1. It’s obvious they are high value and everyone knows it. (That’s based on looks/sexiness both of which are obvious.)
  2. They are able to convey it indirectly. (I.e. For less visible character-based qualities, they are socially skilled enough to convey them indirectly.)

Instead, it’s the typical sentence that you hear from people who’ve been reading too much on positive thinking—or on “women dating strategies” on Reddit.
And they focus more on thinking positive—and on power—than on actually delivering more value.

It’s an entitlement mentality (the bad type of entitlement) and it says that you focus on what you get rather than on what you give.

And high-value men usually stay away from those types of women.

If you know your value, great! Just don’t go around shouting it with words. Insteaddo so with actions, or indirectly.

Such as making others tell you that you’re high value.

“If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best”

What a neat power move Marilyn Monroe came up with:

Marilyn Monroe: “If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best.”

High-quality men will often interpret that statement like this:

Subcommunication: “I may behave like a bitch, but if you can’t handle my drama, then you’re not good enough for me.”

“I’m looking for a spineless simp that will put up with my drama and stand beside me no matter the amount of drama I bring into his life”

That is a sign of a potential borderline personality disorder (which can mean huge mood swings and endless drama) from someone who’s trying to switch the tables on someone.

It implies that it’s not her (or more rarely him) who should work on themself to avoid dragging him down into the depths of her emotional roller coaster. It’s him who should learn to put up with her drama better.

Generally speaking, a smart/power-aware man will consider this line a red flag.

And when they see drama, they’ll consider that attitude of “you don’t deserve me at my best” as a manipulative attempt to keep them in a toxic relationship.

“I promise I won’t judge you if…”

See if you spot the power move.

It’s a description from a dating app:

She has this “I’m so great” slightly bragging profile and then:

Her: “I promise I won’t judge you if…

you are a single dad as long as you are not married tho, but hopefully you only have one not two or more children. I have a child, & I am a single mom.”

She’s framing single dads as getting an “exception” from her policy of only dating single, unmarried, childless guys, thus posing as the “judge”…while she’s a single mom herself.

Yep, exactly.

It’s a “switching the power tables” power move—in this case, “switching the judge tables”.

There is another covert power move as well:

Covert Virtue Signaling

Notice the covert virtue-signaling self-description:

Her: “…as long as you are not married tho, but hopefully you only have one child and not one or two or more children.”

What she is saying is:

Her: “am not married and only have one.”

There’s nothing genuine in her original description.

“Single dads” are rare.
They’re probably even rarer on dating apps and true white flies to have several kids while the mother(s) bailed.

So there was (close to) zero need for her to field an honest requirement.

Instead, she knows that single mothers pay a price in the dating market.
But either because it’s an insecurity of hers she can’t admit or because she wants to date higher in power and take advantage of some poor schmucks, she displays her saving graces without framing them as saving graces—but as a power move.

I swiped right and matched with her for learning’s sake:

Not the worst in the sense that she doesn’t double down with something like:

Her: “It may be OK, as long as you don’t have several and are not currently married… Are you?” (<—- trying to maintain the fake judge / high standards role)

And doesn’t double down on manipulation with something like:

Her: “I’m not the judgmental type.” (<—- trying to frame you as “judgmental” if you hold a standard of dating non-mothers)

Still, not ideal either.

She still equates single dads to single moms and clings to her judge role of “I won’t”.

Yeah, of course you won’t because 99.9% of the time you can’t.

And it’s slightly disempowering to me that I called the power move in a joking manner, but she ignores the humorous mood and maintains a serious frame.

So if one replied seriously, he’d have followed her lead (and lost power and attraction).

Mistake #2: Playing Games Poorly

“Invest In Me” Games

Dating can sometimes go very smoothly and be a wonderful romance.

But, other times, dating can involve men and women having conflicting interests.

Some examples include:

  • The woman seeks long-term, the man not necessarily
  • One partner seeks to inflate their SMV and demands too much
  • One partner believes they’re higher SMV, but the other doesn’t think so

Women who seek long-term relationships and are looking for a man to commit to them and provide often play what I’ve dubbed “invest in me” games.

This is one such example:

games women play

This woman was probably looking for long-term which is OK.
But, on top of that, she was seeking to inflate her sexual market value and, indirectly, deflate my SMV.

Women who ask for investment are trying to frame the interaction as the woman having more SMV than the man and the man having to “make up” for the difference with investment.

And that’s why these games often backfire with cooler guys who see what’s going on: why should any man willingly place himself lower than her?
That’s only going to happen if he is indeed (much) lower than she is.

And that’s why I generally discourage women from playing these games.

The “Playing Hard to Get” Game

Playing hard to get is a common game women play.

But common doesn’t mean “good” or “effective”.
Sure, sometimes it works.
But some other times, it backfires.

See an example here:

playing hard to get backfires

Why did she fail?
Because any general advice in a world as complex as human socialization is, by definition, poor advice.

The Dating Generalizations

I have often written on The Power Moves website that much of female dating advice is crap.

Even the bestselling dating books for women are nothing more but a collection of generalizations such as “make him chase”, “don’t sleep with him before X days” or “get into a relationship before sex”.

Some of those generalizations like “make him chase” backfire the most for the exact women who are most likely to search for dating advice, such as the women who are facing a difficult dating market.

I have addressed a few of these topics already, including:

Plus, of course, the original “7 Biggest Dating Mistakes Women Do (Before Sex)” and the eBook Pussy Power (available with Power University) which is basically a review of the whole dating literature and why it’s wrong.

Anyway, done with the preface.
Let’s address now “playing hard to get”:

The “Hard to Get” Drawbacks

When a woman plays hard-to-get some men might end up wanting her more.

Not all men though, and certainly not in all dating markets. Some will just move on.

But when a man does not have an abundance of options, when he likes her, and/or when he is high in power, he might actually want her more.
However, that comes at a price.
When she plays hard to get and he wants her more, he wants her more but likes her less.

For some men, especially the most driven and abusive, that ends up looking like, “I wanna have her and then throw her away.” You know, “Just to show her.”
Sometimes he doesn’t even throw her away, and a toxic and/or abusive relationship has just begun.

So is there a way to be wanted more and liked more?

Well, yes.
Enter, “playing selectively hard to get”.

The Solution

Being selectively hard to get means this:

You are hard to get for most people, but “easy” for the man of your choice. Not because you are generally easy, but because he is special.

Psychology research supports the idea that “selectively hard to get” is what men prefer the most.
And experience confirms that men do love easy women who are easy just for them.

Mistake #3: Taking Cash from Him

I remember an interesting dating experience I had.

We had a truly great first date together.

Lovely dinner, good laughter and conversation, two drinks at successive places, a romantic kiss, and then intimacy at home.

Then, I walked her to the taxi stand.

I called her a taxi, which I usually prepay through the app.
But here in Korea, I wasn’t able to load my card, so she should have paid for it. It felt strange that I told her I’d get her a taxi, order it from my phone, on my name, and then let her pay.
So I took out a note and handed it to her (just worth about 7 euros, by the way).

She took it and said “thank you” with beaming eyes.

I hadn’t even realized what that meant, but it truly framed the interaction in a very different light.

Exchanging Cash = Hooker Frame

From a psychological point of view, it made total sense.

When you put money into the equation, the interaction moves from a human interaction which includes feelings and bonding, to a colder exchange of service for money (Pink, 2009).

So when a woman takes money from a man, the interaction becomes one of exchanging sex for money.

Hence, if you are in a situation where you need to get money from a man, never take cash while you’re still dating.
And especially not at the very beginning or after the first time you’ve had sex.

text example for dating lessons learned

I know myself.
When she wrote “miss you already”, it was the perfect message.
I’d have been elated about our time together, thought of her fondly, and wanted to see her again.

But this time, I was just so disappointed she actually took the money. And mildly disgusted.

Here’s another example from a guest at the TPM forum:

TPM Guest: “A couple of years [ago] I met a gal online. We agreed to meet up for drinks. Later I offered to take her to a slightly upscale restaurant. Things were going rather well. We talked for hours.

The bill finally came and I picked it up and stated I’ll pay the bill and you leave a tip. Without looking or asking how much the bill was, she quickly stated that she did not have anything smaller than a 20 on her. I hesitated for a moment and stated that I did have change for that 20.

I could tell this did not go over very well with her. We later texted a few times later, and she broke off communication. This woman earned very good money and very well could have offered to split the bill. The conclusion that I came to about her behavior was that she was just out looking for a free meal, a serial dater.”

An interesting situation that provided a great test at multiple levels:

  1. Personality: less of a collaborator, more of a leecher
  2. Expectations/values: some women more than others expect men to take the bill during early dating. Not the biggest factor, but good for this TPM guest to take into account
  3. How she felt about the power dynamics: paying/not paying can also be part of the unwritten value exchange that is being negotiated. So when women feel higher value, they can feel more entitled to being wined and dined

That shit-test result must be interpreted along those three variables and then men can know which one matters most as they also learn to read all the other cues better.

In any case, I would have likely considered it very much a bad sign that her first reaction was to find a reason why she could not leave a tip. (Plus, leaving a tip is one of the ways some high-quality men test women.)

It was a negative strike against her and an example of why it’s a good idea to minimize the money talk. Too much money talk has two issues:

  1. It makes the relationship more about a colder exchange
  2. It can make one of you come across as cheap—whether it’s you or him, it’s bad anyway, since in early relationships women will also often (understandably) reject men who make them feel bad

Mistake #4: Tasking Him

One day, I went to my neighbor’s place.

We were discussing some information and strategies for the condominium meeting, and she was brimming at her usual high-power frequencies.

She had a stack of “power of attorneys papers” because she’s voting for like 10 other people or so (update: it was 13 in the end), and you should have seen her excel file.
She had names of owners with relative square meters, so just by plugging the votes in, she was able to predict the results, and strategize as a consequence.

Many of her neighbors ask her what they should do, and that gives her huge power in decision-making—and swaying decisions.

She is a high-powered lady in general, not just in the condominium.
A hard-charging businesswoman in a multinational corporation, a life go-getter, and lives in a beautiful rooftop flat.

The only thing she’s not too good at getting—or keeping—you might have guessed…is men and relationships.

Avoid Tasking: the Importance of Switching from Business, to Relationships

When I deal with her, there is often some of some of this peppered in the conversation:

  • Please do this
  • Sign this for me
  • Send this back ASAP

Just as an example, in a single screen of texts she sent:

Ehehe, looking at this again actually made me laugh :D.

In person she is not that bad, but you still get the feel of a high-powered person who wants to control the frame.

That is obviously effective in getting things done at work and leading a successful life.
But for women, this is highly harmful in dating.

How do you think it makes me feel to be on the receiving end of all of those?

I, as any other man who wants to maintain power and self-respect, don’t like being ordered around. And I don’t like people who try to win the frame, instead of welcoming my ideas and inputs.
So my reaction is to push back, and/or cut contact.

If a man was physically attracted to a woman behaving this way, he might still want to bang her, but, granted, not stick around.

Bossy women can make a man feel emasculated.

Most men would not admit it, but that’s 60% of the issue. The other 40% is the simple fact that bossiness is annoying from anyone, independently of the relationship.

It might not matter nearly as much for more docile and submissive men, but the percentage of high-quality men in that subgroup is much smaller.

As another example, Matthew Hussey generally has good advice delivered with perfect marketing.

Sometimes though what he shares almost seems designed to get low-value men.

For example:

Hussey: “Let’s say you’re in a bar and you say, ‘Could you hold my jacket for two seconds while I give these drinks to my friends I’m running out of hands here.’ Alright, you then take your drinks, give it to your friends, you come back, you take your jacket, and you say, ‘Thank you so much, you’re a gentleman. How’s your evening going anyway?'”

Basically, the advice is to start with a huge tasking power move.

Here is how it would go with a high-power man who has options:

Her: “Could you hold my jacket for two seconds while I give these drinks to my friends I’m running out of hands here.”
Him: “What do you take me for, a coat hanger?”

Or, even briefer, “Yeah, no.”

Or:

Him: “Happy to help you. See that coat hanger over there? Exactly, you can walk there and hang it.”

Or a more humorous man:

Him: “Sure, but how about you take the coat and instead leave the drinks to me (smiles).”

Or turning the tables if he may be interested:

Him: “Nice move, nice move (smiles). But you can talk to me without having to pull those games. My name is…”

In brief:

No self-respecting man would ever fall for that.

If he does, that’s her sign that he’s clueless and naive and/or has no other options.

For more, see this forum thread.

More Mistakes (Don’t Show These Red Flags)

This is an analysis of investment and personality.

First Exchange on Tinder: 2 Red Flags

Her approach is disempowering me.

I decide to eat it for now, ignore her frame ignore, and add her myself.

Second Exchange on Telegram: No Positive Signs

I’m not a big fan of “I can drink on” because:

  • Focuses on what she can do (all about her)
  • Gives one option only, forcing me to adapt to her
  • Places the emphasis on “drinking”, rather than getting to know each other (albeit that could be good for him if he only wants to drink)

And it confirms she’s deadset into investing as little as possible.

But no new major new red flags here: this is the least I was expecting.

And it’s positive that she responds quicker.

Given the previous exchange and other information I have, there is no redeeming signal though.

Flex “Pouting Selfies” Instagram Account

She’s got an Instagram account connected.

It’s your typical “Russian bitch” flex account, including:

  • Brands
  • Tags of (supposedly) “exclusive” places
  • Thirst-traps pictures at the beach or at the club

And the equally damning:

  • Pouting “never satisfied” faces (trying to gain power via a negative judge, in this website and The Power Moves’ terminology)
  • Not a single smile in the pics

One very telling picture she’s got there is this:

I cut out the face for privacy.
The slaves grab the most attention.
But even more telling is that even for a painting where she’s the emblem of the prize, she chose another pouting face that says, “I’m never satisfied.”

The slaves are an obvious red flag of a woman who seeks power over men.
That translates in a relationship of “the man gives and gives, the woman takes and takes”.

But if she had been laughing, it wouldn’t have been very significant, because it would have communicated that “it’s all in jest”.

The queen imagery in general is also not the most telling by itself. Some women like the queen imagery, but in reality, they actually invest.
So to any men reading this, don’t go for the attention-grabbing signals, go for the most meaningful. And for the actions.

Skipping Steps: Good

I like her no time-wasting approach.

Albeit it’s not necessarily good for her, since it communicates that she doesn’t screen much for personality.

But if a woman offers ways to skip phases, the man should go for it.

Character Assessment: No LTR, No Dating (Possibly OK For Sex)

The picture with slaves makes it easy to label her.

And it’s the reason why I made a post out of it on The Power Moves forum: it’s attention-grabbing.

Yet, the biggest lessons learned here come from the more mundane signals, which are:

  • Zero investment
  • Little value-giving behavior
  • Frame control through ignoring
  • Judge power-seeking: with the pouting / “never enough” / judgmental faces

If you’ve ever met the “Russian bitch” personality type you know it.

This is the psychological assessment:

It’s the type of girl who thinks/says, “I know my value.”

The type that is not really about valuing herself AND others, but who over-values herself in a way that is entitled, demanding, and confrontational.

Not a relationship material girl, because relationship-quality girls have a collaborative, win-win mindset.

Of course, I might be wrong.

So I might meet up with her for learning’s sake (and she’s not bad looking, albeit as is often the case for queen bitches, it’s more showy presentation than actual natural looks).
Just keep in mind that if you portray yourself as one of these types, you’re portraying yourself as a high-quality woman, and men will assume you’re likely not getting great relationships.

For more, read this forum thread.

Summary

These are many of the most common dating mistakes to avoid if you want to attract that cool guy.

Something else that’s important when dating is to pass his tests.

And, finally, here’s a forum thread you can check out that analyzes an easy-to-make dating mistake, “Why women need The Power Moves: failed game with a high-value guy.”

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About The Author